Outlaws With a Purpose
by Ayala Atreides
Summary: The thing is, Gene's never been in love before. And he's never fought for anything bigger than himself, not really. There's many different kinds of love and they're all pretty confusing. Who could blame him for getting a little mixed up? My take on Gene/Melfina. No ship-bashing, just my take on friendship vs romance. Rated T for brief suggestive content.


Hello, Outlaw Star fandom! I'm new-ish. :D I'm many, many years late to the Outlaw party, I realize this. I just watched it a few months ago. And now, my first act in this fandom will be, uh… writing a fanfic that dissects what is probably a popular and well-loved pairing, I'm sorry. There's no ship-bashing here, this is entirely just my personal opinion on the pairing. The working title for this document file was "Fix the Ship", let's put it that way. Here we go!

* * *

Gene Starwind was confused. Troubled, even. Which really didn't make sense, given the circumstances. He was fresh off of his greatest success, after all— which was really quite an achievement, if he did say so himself. He considered himself to have had a great many successes in his young life. Well, a fair number of successes. A few, at least, surely; he'd snagged the greatest Grappler ship in the universe, hadn't he? And the Leyline, at any rate, was an unquestionable win for the legendary duo of Starwind and Hawking (and friends). And yet, he was still unsettled.

He sat in his chair, the captain's chair on the Outlaw Star's bridge. The rest of the crew had gone to sleep already. Melfina was in her pod behind him, ready to work at a moment's notice in case there were any more Kei pirates hanging around in the sector and wanting revenge. But the canister's shutters were closed; she was asleep, too, snug and safe and finally at peace in her little digital world. He was the only one still awake— and he felt appropriately foolish for it, since he was usually the first to happily embrace a good night's rest.

Gene stared out through the bridge's wide windows, taking in the vast emptiness that he had once feared, and he considered his conundrum. He knew he should be riding high on the thrill of saving the day. And he _had_ celebrated, once the dust had settled and they'd made their getaway. All in all, it had been a rousing victory. The mystery of the Leyline had been solved, the villains were defeated, and all his friends had lived to fight another day. The dashing hero had even won the fair maiden's heart!

Although, that was part of the problem, truthfully. In the heat of the moment, in the face of glorious victory, he'd told Melfina that he wanted her to stay with him. She'd confessed that she wanted the same… and he'd kissed her. And she'd responded! Kind of, anyway. It was really hard to tell these things with her. The important thing was that she wanted to stay with him, and she'd accepted his kiss.

But that had been the end of it. Nothing more had happened since that moment; nothing had changed between them. She seemed happier, to be sure— freer of spirit and more lighthearted. But she wasn't any closer to him, no more affectionate than usual. They were already a week and a half into their journey back to Sentinel III, and it was like the kiss had never happened. His attempts at flirting with her had gone right over her head. And the one time when he'd been a bit more forward, when he'd made a suggestive comment and cupped her chin, brushing her lips with his thumb, pulling her close… she'd suddenly tensed up and looked distinctly uncomfortable, and then _he'd_ felt uncomfortable too, and also strangely guilty.

The whole thing was mystifying to Gene. He liked to think that he was quite well versed in the more physical side of romance, but the emotional side… that was the tricky stuff. Melfina _did_ love him, didn't she? And he sure as hell loved her, right? So what, then, was the problem? Gene growled in aggravation, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was getting way too complicated for his tastes. He didn't like complicated stuff.

He was so distracted, turning this thorny problem over and over in his thoughts, that he didn't realize he wasn't alone in the room until he felt a light, gentle hand on his shoulder. Gene jumped slightly, then spotted Melfina from the corner of his eye. He coughed and shifted in his seat, putting his feet up on the back of the copilot's chair and folding his hands behind his head like he hadn't been startled at all.

"Hey, Mel!" he greeted her, beaming as warmly as he could.

"Good evening, Gene," she replied with that sweet little smile of hers. "Is everything all right? I woke up and sensed your presence here. Why are you not asleep?"

"Well, my bunk gets awfully _cold_ , all by myself," Gene shot back with his extra-charming, extra-mischievous Starwind Smirk, the one that usually made girls giggle and blush. He even threw in a wink. He figured he'd give innuendo one more shot— but Melfina just frowned slightly, head tilting in concern.

"Your bunk is too cold? Maybe Gilliam needs to adjust the environmental controls," she said worriedly.

"My handling of the environmental controls is superb, beyond reproach," Gilliam interjected, sounding amazingly offended for a computer. "Gene is simply being his usual perverted—"

"Hey, hey, hey! Can you knock off the sass and give us some privacy?" Gene protested.

"This is the bridge. This is where my central terminal is located," Gilliam shot back. "In a manner of speaking, this is _my_ bunk. You ought to give _me_ some privacy."

"The whole damn ship is your bunk! You _are_ the ship!" Gene retorted.

"Fine, then, I will leave you alone. I shall monitor our voyage from another terminal— I, the sole guardian, toiling tirelessly and thanklessly as the rest of the crew sleeps. It seems that there is no logic to be had with my unreasonable and high-strung Captain," Gilliam sulked, and Gene marveled once again at the fact that someone had managed to program such a passive aggressive computer. The lights on the central terminal flickered off and Gene heaved a long-suffering sigh.

"Gilliam is so funny, isn't he?" Melfina said fondly.

"Yeah, funny. I guess that's one word for it," Gene remarked wryly. Then he fell silent, studying Melfina's profile from his peripheral vision as she gazed out into the stars. Noticing his attention, she turned back to him with that doe-eyed stare.

"Gene? Are you sure it's only the temperature in your bunk that's keeping you awake?" she asked tentatively.

Gene let out a slow exhale, raking his fingers through his hair. He'd never been very good at talking about his feelings. It was always awkward. But there was no way out of it this time. He figured he might as well get it over with.

"Mel," he began slowly, "Back at the Leyline… how did you, uh, feel?"

"How did I feel?" she echoed, head tilting to the side again. It was cute— an almost doll-like gesture.

Gene shifted awkwardly. "Uh, when… you know, that time when, uh… I said I wanted you to stay with me, and you— you said the same thing, and I, uh… I kissed you, remember?" he sputtered. She was just standing there and piercing him with that innocent gaze and it was really putting him off his game. He suddenly felt guilty for bringing it up.

Melfina glanced away, hands clasping together. "Yes, I remember," she said quietly.

"How did you, uh, feel? When that happened?" Gene prompted.

"I felt happy, of course," she said serenely, her smile returning. "You're dear to me, I was glad that you wanted me to stay with you."

"And, the kiss— how did you— I mean, when I kissed you, did you… feel anything?" he pressed, and the look of innocent confusion on her face actually made him feel a little dirty for having asked, and not the fun kind of dirty.

"I… I felt happy," she said again, but her smile dimmed somewhat. "Is there another feeling you're referring to?"

Gene bit back a swear; he'd known this would probably be awkward, but it was shaping up to be even worse than he'd imagined.

"Uh, w-well, you know… look, when I kissed you, did you feel like you wanted to… _do_ anything else besides that?" he asked. He was floundering badly and he damn well knew it.

"Do anything else?" Melfina echoed. "Gene, you're not making sense." Oh yes, he was most certainly going down in flames.

He gestured inarticulately. "Look, most people, when they kiss someone like that, they have desires— there's urges that they—" he tried, but she still just stared at him in confusion and mild worry. He heaved another sigh and ran his hands through his hair again.

Honestly, he'd never really stopped to consider whether Melfina experienced the same kinds of desires that he and most humans did. She clearly had the capacity for emotions, or at least a really good replication of them. But did she have physical desires? Was she even physically capable of…? She was a bio-android, and an unparalleled one at that, but exactly how many biological traits had they given her? That time when he'd been poisoned, she'd healed him by cradling him against her naked body— but then, they hadn't really been naked, had they? It had been a simulation of sorts. And the night before his duel with that assassin, he'd grabbed her, held her against his body— and she'd pulled away. He'd assumed that he had simply been too rough, too forward, that he'd scared her… but what if it was more than that?

She loved him, though. She'd said that her wish was to stay with him. Wasn't that a declaration of love? She'd readily accepted that kiss. And he loved her, too, of course. And yet…

Maybe he was going about this the wrong way. He took his hands from his hair and turned back to Melfina, studying her intently.

"Hey... if Jim kissed you like I did, would you feel happy?" he asked carefully.

"Jim?" Melfina echoed, blinking in surprise. "Why would he?"

"That's not important, let's just say he did," Gene insisted. "Would you be happy? Would you be mad at him, or upset?"

"Why would I be mad or upset? Jim is my friend, he cares about me," she said.

"What about Aisha? Suzuka?" Gene asked, trying to ignore the sudden sinking feeling in his chest. She blinked again but quickly regained her peaceful smile.

"I don't know why they would wish to kiss me, but I see no reason why I should be upset with them if they did. They're dear to me, too- they're my friends," Melfina said tranquilly. Then she frowned and added, "Is that what friends do? They kiss on the mouth like that? Do friends have those urges you mentioned?"

Gene sat back in his seat, stunned. Did she not understand the concept of a kiss on the lips as a declaration of romantic intent? There was only one way to know for certain.

"One more question?" he asked quietly.

"Of course, Gene," she said.

He took his feet down from the back of the copilot's chair, leaning in closer; her eyes went wide and she visibly tensed.

"What do you feel now, huh? When I'm close to you like this?" he whispered huskily to her.

"I— I don't—" Melfina stuttered, shrinking back.

"Do you want me to touch you?" he asked bluntly, lifting his hand to her cheek— but stopping just short of caressing her skin.

Melfina gasped slightly, and then her shoulders drooped and she turned her face away, eyes downcast. Gene had seen plenty of coyness in his day, and this wasn't it. She was uncomfortable, plain and simple. He withdrew from her, sitting back in the pilot's seat, leaning his head against the back of the chair. She softly bid him a good night and retreated to her pod.

Gene sat in silence, staring out through the windows once more. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, crossing and uncrossing his legs; he'd pushed her outside her comfort zone once again. He wondered if she'd be mad at him. Still, now he knew the truth once and for all: Melfina didn't understand his feelings, and whatever she felt towards him, it probably wasn't the same as what he felt for her. He sighed heavily, dropping his head back again. So much for the hero getting the girl.

* * *

The next night found Gene sleepless as well. This time, though, he went to the galley; he couldn't quite stomach the prospect of another awkward moment with Melfina if she sensed him on the bridge and woke up again.

Of course, as luck would have it, there wasn't any solitude to be found in the galley either. He shuffled in, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, and stopped dead in his tracks at the familiar sight of very long black hair. Suzuka sat there at the table, calmly sipping her customary cup of tea. She glanced up at him, but if she was surprised to see him, it didn't show on her stoic face.

"Good evening, Captain," she said, setting her teacup down. "Are you having difficulty sleeping?"

Gene rolled his eyes and tossed his hands up exasperatedly. " _Everybody's_ prying all of a sudden," he grunted. Granted, "everyone" was two people spread out over two subsequent nights, but that was still two more people than he would have liked.

"I apologize. I was unaware that I was prying," Suzuka said, and she sounded faintly amused. Gene just grumbled in response and dug through the cupboards for a snack. He'd bring it back to his bunk and he'd just deal with Jim's whining about crumbs in the linens when laundry day came around; he wasn't in a chatty mood.

"Don't mind me," Gene remarked sourly, "I'll be out of your hair in just a—"

"Gene, what is happening between yourself and Melfina?" Suzuka asked. Gene fumbled a box of rice crackers, dropping it into the sink and swearing under his breath. Well, damn, he hadn't expected that she might already know!

"Huh?! What— that's—" Gene spluttered, spinning around to face her, but she held up a hand.

"Please, Captain, I've already noticed the signs. There is no need to pretend," she said, and her slightly stern tone made him feel far more sheepish than he reckoned any ship captain ought to feel when questioned by an underling.

Gene gaped at her for a second, then snatched the box of rice crackers from the sink and slunk over to the table, sinking down across from her. He was sulking just a little bit— he'd thought he was being stealthy, keeping things under wraps till he was sure that their "budding love" was for real.

"Everyone else… do they know?" Gene asked, coughing to cover the fact that he was a little worried. He'd been trying to keep it secret for Melfina's privacy- and to avoid Aisha's teasing and Jim's scolding, if he was being honest.

"Jim and Aisha are aware that something is different in your behavior and hers, but no. To the best of my knowledge, they haven't reached the same conclusions as I have," Suzuka said. "I have held my silence on the subject for decency's sake."

Gene heaved a sigh of relief. "Thanks. I appreciate—"

"More for Melfina's sake than your own," Suzuka added pointedly. "Of course, I am merely asking for your side of it, as I've already asked Melfina herself and she told me what happened in the Leyline's core— and about your encounter with her on the bridge last night."

Gene glared at her, fully prepared to stand up and storm out with his rice crackers. Then again, if he had to have someone prying into this, Suzuka was probably his best bet. Out of everyone on his haphazardly assembled crew, the stoic assassin was probably the least likely to blab about it. And she _was_ a woman, with all kinds of potential insights about other people who were _also_ women. Maybe she could shed some light on the problem. He popped the box open and shoved a handful of crackers into his mouth, chewing to buy time to put his thoughts together.

"Was she upset? About… what happened last night?" he asked gruffly, around the mouthful of crackers. She took a delicate drink from her cup. He swallowed heavily as he waited for her to finish sipping her damn tea and answer the damn question.

"Have you given her a reason to be upset?" Suzuka asked cooly as she set the cup down.

"Wha— no way! Like I'd ever want to hurt her!" Gene retorted. "It's just that… you know, I kissed her before and I thought she was happy about it, and—" He fumbled under Suzuka's level stare and quickly crammed more crackers into his mouth for a distraction. Chomping self-consciously on them, he grumbled, "I just had to know if she felt the same way or not."

"I see," Suzuka remarked. "And now you are heartbroken that she's rejected you."

Gene smirked and waggled a finger at her. "Gene Starwind does not get heartbroken," he told her. It came out far more bitterly than he'd planned and he fought the urge to grimace. And it definitely didn't sound as cool as it should have, with the crumbs from his late-night shame snack sticking to the corners of his mouth.

"Certainly," Suzuka agreed, sounding not at all convinced. "And yet, you did get rejected. Does it bother you?"

He started to reply, but the words died on his tongue under her probing stare. He sat back, wiped his mouth, and stared down at the rice cracker box, taking a second to think about how he actually felt. When it came right down to it, _was_ he actually heartbroken? Grouchy and confused, sure, but was he _heartbroken_? Given that this was supposed to have been the start of a grand, epic, sweeping romance… he was surprisingly un-devastated. Hell, he'd been more cut up after his first girlfriend had dumped him; he'd cried all day and drank all night, and that hadn't even been a serious relationship. Gene was many things, but even he had to admit that he wasn't a subtle man. Even if he didn't like talking about them, he'd never been one to restrain his emotions— so where were they now?

Gene gaped at Suzuka; her eyebrows raised slightly, as if she'd proven a point, and she took another sip from her teacup. She studied him over the teacup's rim. He fidgeted under her unreadable gaze until finally she spoke again.

"You care for Melfina very much," she remarked.

"Of course I do!" Gene exclaimed. "I'd do anything to make her happy!"

Suzuka almost smiled. "Quite so. You truly care for Melfina, to protect her and make yourself her champion. What you did for her, crossing the galaxy to find the answers she sought, fighting one foe after another, was quite generous."

"Oh. Uh… thanks," Gene said, surprised at the sudden praise. He considered it, then added suspiciously, "You're not thinking I did it just to—"

"In fact, I was not." Suzuka said. After a moment, she added, "Jim told me about Hilda, once. I had heard rumors about Hilda's fate before I met you, and I asked him to tell me the story of her involvement— however, the details took me rather by surprise."

"Yeah… you n' me both," Gene muttered. It still stung a little to talk about Hilda and her sudden, violent end.

"It's a rare honor to be entrusted with such a task," Suzuka remarked. "To have the fate of as innocent a soul as Melfina placed in one's hands… one might think of it as a call to selflessness. It's not a chance that comes to everyone. And not all would have handled it as courageously as you did."

"Selflessness? Courageously?" Gene echoed. That was, without a doubt, the kindest thing she'd ever said to him.

"Of course. Flawed though you may be, I would not have followed you had you proven yourself to be without virtue," Suzuka told him. Gene smiled and sat up a little more, squaring his shoulders; he couldn't even bring himself to retort with anything clever, he was so pleased at hearing such a heartfelt compliment. Never mind the nicest thing Suzuka had ever said, it might've been the nicest thing _anyone_ had said of him, ever.

Then his smile dimmed a little as he contemplated what she'd said; so much for his 'virtue', if he was making Melfina uncomfortable. Suzuka might not have been thinking it, but was Melfina worried now that he'd helped her just to get into her skirt? Or would something like that not even occur to her, innocent as she was? The thought somehow made him feel worse.

"Why did you take up Hilda's quest after her demise?" Suzuka asked.

Gene opened his mouth to tell her, then stopped, then tried again- but nothing came forth. Granted, that was a question he'd asked himself more than once, and usually when someone was shooting at them. But, come to think of it, he'd never really reached an answer.

"Because, uh... Obviously, I fell for Melfina!" Gene proclaimed. "What kinda guy wouldn't cross the universe for the girl he loves?" That made sense, right?

"I see. So you did it all for love, then," Suzuka said.

"Damn right, I did!" Gene proclaimed, winking.

" _Romantic_ love?" she asked.

"Wha- look, just because I like to get some doesn't mean I can't fall in love!" Gene protested. He felt his face flushing red and he hated it.

"That wasn't what I meant, Captain," Suzuka replied cooly. "Let me ask you something else, then: would you not have gone so far for Jim's sake?"

"Huh? What're you talking about? Of course I would! If I had to fight a shitload of pirates and cross the universe for Jim, obviously I'd do it. He's my soul brother! He might be a rude little nerd, but he's _my_ rude little nerd!" Gene insisted.

"Yet you do not love him romantically," Suzuka observed. Gene glared at her; he wasn't even going to dignify that with a response.

"Melfina's different- it's different because I'm in love with her," Gene said pointedly.

"Love takes many forms, Gene Starwind. The love between brothers, the love of friends, the love of parents for their child, these are no less beautiful than that which graces lovers. The entwining of souls is no less meaningful than the entwining of bodies," Suzuka said.

Gene grimaced. "That just sounds wrong coming from you," he muttered.

Suzuka sat back and delicately finished her tea, setting the empty teacup down. Gene scowled at her and stood up, grabbing the box of crackers and stomping to the door.

"Good night, Captain," Suzuka said. He grumbled in response as the door opened and then hissed shut behind him. When he crawled into his bunk and collapsed onto his mattress, crumpled cracker box still in hand, he was no less confused than he'd been before his visit to the galley.

* * *

 _Romantic love?_

Suzuka's stupid question was still bouncing around in Gene's head the next morning, which found him cranky and still confused. Of course it was romantic love- it had to be, right? Obviously he was in romantic love with Melfina. He'd crossed the entire known universe to help her find peace. So what if he would've done the same for Jim? The kid was his brother and best friend- more to the point, Jim wasn't a cute, sweet girl.

Gene scowled and sat up in his bunk, resting his head in his hands. Why _had_ he taken up Hilda's quest? He hadn't had an answer for Suzuka, but he was starting to suspect he needed to find one.

He thought back to that fateful day on Blue Heaven, when he'd made that promise to Melfina. Up till that moment, he hadn't really been planning to take on Hilda's quest. Helping Melfina had been Hilda's idea, and he'd resented Melfina for being the cause of Hilda's demise; that was how he'd seen it, anyway. If Hilda hadn't gotten mixed up with the XGP and Melfina, if she hadn't crossed the Kei pirates... To see such an amazing woman die over a ship and an android...

But then he'd seen Melfina studying those flowers, questioning her own existence, and it had stirred something in his heart. He'd realized at that moment what a miraculous being she was, and he'd wanted nothing more than to protect her and help her. Once he'd understood how special she was, putting everything on the line had been such an easy choice. If that wasn't love, then what was?

Of course, Suzuka just _had_ to go and say all that stuff about different kinds of love. Obviously there was more than one kind of love! And he knew which kind of love this was. But if that was true, then why did he feel so conflicted? He'd crossed the universe for Melfina, he'd taken on the Kei pirates, he'd set out to find the Galactic Leyline, because... because...

Because someone had to. Melfina had needed someone, and, well... hey, he'd been right there, hadn't he? He'd had the ship, he'd had the girl who guided it, so why not? Who else was going to do it?

Suzuka had said something about a "call to selflessness". Gene had never really considered whether or not he was a selfless person. He'd spent most of his life clawing and scraping for every wong, always scheming to "make it big" and claim fame- or infamy. Sure, he'd had Jim to take care of, but the kid was pretty self-sufficient. And he'd never admit it out loud, but Jim took care of him probably more often than he took care of Jim. He'd never had any kind of noble cause to fight for, nor had he wanted to, not till Hilda had dropped one into his hands. Then again, Hilda had been an outlaw with a vicious reputation; she'd probably never had a noble cause before Melfina, either.

But then Hilda went and died and left Melfina in his care. Hilda had placed her faith in him in that last moment of her life. She'd left him with someone to fight for- a call to selflessness. Gene sat up so sharply that he smacked his forehead on the ceiling of his narrow bunk. Cursing, he flopped backwards and grasped his head, groaning.

It wasn't just his stinging forehead, either; he was starting to realize what an idiot he was. Had he really misinterpreted his own feelings that badly? He cared about Melfina, he'd wanted to protect her ever since that day on Blue Heaven, but was this not actually romantic love? As much as he didn't want to admit it, he already knew the answer to that.

* * *

Gene spent the next cycle like it was business as usual; Melfina didn't quite meet his eyes during her times out of the canister, but everything was normal aside from that- and aside from Suzuka's pointed stares drilling into his head at mealtime. Once everyone had gone to sleep again, Gene made his way to the bridge and gently rapped on the top of Melfina's canister. She emerged, still not quite meeting his eyes.

"Is your bunk too cold again, Gene?" she asked tremorously.

"No, no, that's not it," Gene said. "I, uh, I owe you an apology."

"And me as well, Gene," Gilliam interjected. "For implying that my handling of the environmental controls is anything less than-"

"Hey, hey, hey! Privacy, please!" Gene complained.

"I see. This again. Very well, Captain," Gilliam huffed. His console went dark.

"What's this about an apology?" Melfina asked, raising her eyes for the first time.

"For making you uncomfortable last night," Gene muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh, I see." Melfina's gaze lowered again, to her clasped hands. "I'm- I'm sorry, too. I didn't know what to do."

"You don't have to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong," he reassured her. "Hey, listen... I got kinda confused for a while, and... look, you're- what was it you said? You're 'dear to me'. But I realized, it's a different kind of feeling than I thought it was. I thought it was one kinda feeling, but it's more like how I feel about Jim." He was fumbling again, and cursing himself for it.

"I don't understand. Are you saying you also kissed Jim?" Melfina asked, eyebrows furrowing.

" _What_?! Eugh, no! First of all, that kid's like my brother- and also he's like, what, twelve?" Gene protested. He shook his head, then sighed and forged onward. "Uh, Mel, would you be sad if we... didn't kiss like that again?"

Her eyes widened. "I hadn't thought of it, actually," she admitted. "It was a nice feeling, but we don't have to do that again if you don't want to."

"Oh... good!" Gene said, then winced. "Not that I didn't like the kiss- I mean-"

"Gene..." Melfina said worriedly.

"Never mind," Gene grumbled. He hesitated, then added, "Hey, Mel… even after what happened… we're still friends, right?"

Melfina smiled gently. "Of course we are," she said. "Jim told me about best friends, once. He said that a best friend is someone special, someone for whom you would do anything. You, and Jim, and Suzuka, and Aisha… you're my best friends!"

Gene nodded and grinned at her. "Yeah. That's us!" he agreed, ruffling her hair. Melfina giggled and ducked away from his hand.

"I'm glad," she said gently.

"Yeah… me too," he said, beaming.

Sure, it would've been nice to do the whole "grand, epic romance" thing… but having another friend was also pretty damn good. Gene heaved a sigh of relief and laced his fingers behind his head, looking out into the stars and smiling contentedly. He was done feeling troubled; now he was ready to go home and revel in his victory.

Too bad he'd forgotten about the property damage charges and overdue parking fees that were waiting for him on good old Sentinel III.


End file.
